New Yorkers Are...Unique

I totally understand how things like this happen. I talk to my cab and car drivers all the time, and there are quite a few of them who wouldn't mind getting the hell out of dodge for a few days, although I talked to at least one man whose chief concern once he got out of New York was not getting behind the wheel for any purpose.

Still, you have to admit, you're not surprised they're cat people, are you?

Another Reason I Have No Business Hiking

Well, that's not true. I enjoy hiking, actually. I prefer walking, because it seems more civilized, and it typically requires less specialized gear. Also, there's less of a chance that my survival will hinge on having to eat a spider. And I simply couldn't eat a turtle. Because if I did survive, my cousin would never speak to me ever again. Ever. And life would no longer be worth living.

So it's a damn good thing I'm never ever planning to go hiking in French Guiana.

Read the whole thing, because the money quote is in the third-from-the-last paragraph. Yeah, the one about the amazing spider diet (better than Atkins!) and with cooking tips (hint--if spider were on a menu, there would be a little star next to it warning that it would be cooked to order but that the restaurant wasn't liable for what might happen to you if you ordered it rare).

Something tells me these boys are going to be more grateful than most for their Easter dinner today, even if they wouldn't normally have celebrated the holiday.

This is Your Financial Wellbeing

I can think of a lot of people who need the paper cup explanation of money management.

(Also, I like the random box in the supermarket that I swear says "Whales.")

The quality of the video isn't great. But the quality of the lesson with the paper cup is priceless.

I am useful!

My butt may be getting more sleep than I am (my apartment contains one metal chair and one deflated air mattress, so my butt is sleeping like a narcoleptic on downers), but today I was finally able to pitch in at work. Since I've spent the first few weeks at my new job being introduced to dozens of new people in morning and afternoon lightning rounds and then sitting in training, I was beginning to think that I was completely useless. But no, it is not the case. I can find reports. I can explain the German abbreviations for debit and credit. I can show people how to figure out what those funny new strings of numbers mean. I can save a variant. I can retrieve it for you when you forget that we saved it (again).

And when I accidentally wipe out your entire payroll transaction, I can re-enter it for you in FIVE minutes. Yeah, I know. Whoopsy daisy. But still, I believe I netted out to positive usefulness today. It feels good. And makes me sleepy.

Real Estate (or should I say Fictional Estate)

So I'm trying to sell my townhome. When it had been on the market for eleven days, someone offered me $40k less than the asking price for it. They offered us this verbally, and my agent said, verbally, in terms that I thought were much too polite, that the offer was, "too low." I don't want to go into numbers, but if Target has a sale like that, the damn thing is on clearance. Real clearance, with the little red price sticker.

I know it's a buyer's market, but you do still have to pay for property. I'm a motivated seller, but I'm not, like, wanted by the law. I'm not on a slow boat to Panama. I'm motivated, not at gunpoint. Nonetheless, these people wrote up a formal offer and sent it to us, telling us that we had something like eight hours to respond.

I don't know if you've ever done the whole offer/counteroffer thing, but it involves signing a whole bunch of paperwork and, if you happen to live in a different state than your real estate, a whole lot of faxing. So I just paid $25 and spent a Saturday in a public fax shop to put together a counteroffer to this clearly fantastic insult of an "offer."

Today the agent phoned my agent and said that they wanted to put in a counteroffer for $39,999.99 less than the asking price just to prove to us how rude we were for wasting their time. Wow. Okay. Because we told you before you went and did the formal offer that there did not appear to be any way we could come to an agreement. I think my agent suggested to your agent that forclosures might be a good place to look for the kind of deal your client wanted. But we wasted your time.

Oh, crap--I promised that the blog would be 30% less bitter, didn't I? Ummmm. Okay, give me a second.

But every cloud has a silver lining. For one thing, the nasty bad people were so insulted that they are never going to darken my doorstep, inbox, or voicemail again. And for another thing, today my agent showed my little townhouse to a woman and her dad, and they loved it. They even complimented the two-story purple wall extensively. They sound so damn adorable that I'm thinking of coming down on my price. Because along with my bitter, bitter attitude, I have a soft spot for people who like purple. And because that whole saying about how you catch more flies with honey? So true.

(Wait, am I a FLY in that metaphor? I have got to buy some beer before I blog again.)