Only the Government can do this

Ok, short story long here.

I got a speeding ticket. It's a doozy. It's $277 if you can believe that. That's like a record. It was a lot over the speed limit, it was in a work zone, and I wasn't paying attention to my speed or the cop sitting there. I'm a dufus, I deserve it. I will Pay The Price. Yup. Not happy but I agree it should be done.

But.

There are a number of options you have to Pay The Price. You can Go To Court. Which involves taking a day off of work to go and sit in a room waiting to be called on to get chewed out for driving like an idiot, and then pay. You can Phone It In, with your claim number and credit card number, or you can Pay Online. How convenient. Now here is the weird part.

The most convenient by far is paying online, right? Except that to do so requires navigating this byzantine labyrinth (yes, I know the labyrinth was Greek, and byzantine was byzantine, but it sounds good together) of websites in order to go to look up your citation, agree to the terms, and then pay the money. The first website you're directed to does not exist. If you're persistent you find the second one, that one exists. But it's written in Hungarian. Or something. Decipher that, then you find out about the Numerous Websites of Fire that you have to jump through. All so you can then pay your $277. Now if you manage to succeed in your quest, you may just be told that your ticket number is not on file. The website will not tell you why. Don't ask, it's none of your business. The little piece of paper that the cop may or may not give you does tell you, when you read the fine print, after you've gone through the Websites of Fire, that it can take 14 days for your ticket to show up on their system. So wait for another 14 days, then come back and do it all again. And then you can pay them. $277.

Now I know, truly, that this is a situation in which I am the Bad Man who needs to Pay my Fine to Society and I will do so. But it's just weird that here I am, wanting to give a substantial amount of money to someone for speeding, and I can't do it. Not only can't I do it, I have to ##$% around on the internet for half an hour to find out I can't do it. And that's what only the Government can do - make you dick around for half an hour to find that you don't have the privilege of paying your fine to them just yet - please come back in 2 weeks and do it all again. Nobody else who wants my money does that. I think I could give $277 to almost anyone else on or off the internet with a minimum of hassle. Just not my local traffic court.

I don't even want to know what would have happened if I had tried the Phone It In option.

I'd probably still be on hold.