The Management Apologizes

I hereby apologize for my recent slacking, especially since I know for a fact that I had just acquired a couple of fabulously active readers. I was just all down last week, and I have no idea why, but I felt that I didn't have anything interesting to say. This is a pity, since I had a week that provided what should have been fascinating material.

For one thing, my friend moved into a new place. This meant that his mother was in town, and also that everything he had was essentially open to her scrutiny. To his credit, he must be very dull, because only one thing ended up at my house, away from her prying eyes. That thing was a bag FULL of condoms.

My friend is gay, and he'd recently been to a clinic for his oh-so-responsible HIV test (negative, not that there was any particular reason for us to believe it wouldn't be). And the lady at the clinic gave him all kinds of condoms. A lunch sack full of condoms of every variety. I flatter myself that I'm reasonably educated about gay sex, but I learned something from the contents of this bag. I will be immensely proud of him if he manages to use them all before their expiration dates. Heck, I'll be impressed if he goes through everything but the banana flavored condoms. (It's not that I don't appreciate the pun, it's just that once the pun has been savored, the banana flavoring isn't likely to be.)

And now that I've been magnanimous (there's a magnum brand joke here, but I'm not quite back on my game) I have one, small, bitter observation. Straight people are, pardon me for saying it, getting shafted. I'm not aware of anybody who's giving out chocolate flavored condoms to lonely straight people. I've recently been tested for HIV and I wasn't offered even ONE free condom (despite the fact that giving me one condom would be the equivalent of giving an active gay man a lunch sack full of condoms).

Also, what do you suppose my friend did with all his porn? Not that I wanted it to live at my house for a week. I'm just curious...