My Worst Date Was Not THAT Bad

My dating karma is...patchy. Vying for worst dates ever are:

1) The date who took me to the arcade to watch him play video games.
2) The date I almost missed because I was stuck at a Catholic group hayride, which culminated in an argument over prioritization of dates versus hayrides.

The arcade probably wasn't so bad. I mean, I see the guy's point. Star Wars was still cool (this was long before Lucas sullied it) and he was very, very good at video games. So, you know, I suppose he was sort of playing to his strengths. The hayride thing, well, that was bad. We should have called it quits immediately. Turns out that Catholic hayrides are not good for either one of us (I have hay fever and a crippling terror of organized religion--who knew?). And if you can't get through your first date without hurting each other, I'm sorry, it's just not worth it.

Since then my dating karma has gotten a lot better. Don't get me wrong--it still sucks. I date infrequently. No, seriously. Once every six months is a good year for me. At least one man walked away from me as though I didn't exist when I approached him. One man, in the course of trying to get me to go out with him, argued that "no" can, in fact, mean "yes." (Excuse me, I think I left the gas on in my fortress of solitude. Don't call me. Ever.) But at least when men do finally take me out, I have a really good time. In fact, I think trend analysis shows the dates are getting better and better.

At no point has a date ever ended in murder. Especially not a murder where the defendant pleaded the "whoopsy doodle" defense. (The defense can be paraphrased thus, without losing--well, anything, really: "Whoa. I don't remember shooting anybody. That had to have been an accident.") Dude, what you already did was bad enough. Is it really necessary to employ a "defense" that's a mockery of the law (and also of the collective intelligence of the human race)?