Thursday, August 24, 2006

Because it is AWESOME

You must visit this blog right away, because it's hysterical. Or maybe just to former English majors? No, surely not.

In other news, I fell down in the parking lot at my building yesterday. No, really. Because, you know, your day isn't really bad until you've skinned a palm in front of coworkers.

For those who are less clutzy than I, let me inform you that there are different kinds of falling down (while sober--the types of falling while drunk are too numerous to explore here).

Falling Down in Private
This is where you fall in, say, the privacy of your own home. You know, like when you forget how many steps there are in the flight of stairs you use every single day and somehow manage to fall down the stairs in your very own house. This is bad, but at least you have control over how embarrassing it is.

Falling Down in Public--Mild
Mild, you ask? As in, no broken bones? Ah, no. I can tell you're a coordinated person. Uncoordinated people know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about falling down in front of strangers. It's bad, and they giggle and whisper, but you will probably never see them again. And even if they remember you for the rest of their lives, they probably won't be able to pick you out of a lineup. It could be worse. To wit:

Falling Down in Public--Severe
I'm talking falling down in front of people you know. Not friends. Not people you might leave something to if you died. Not them. The other people. Like, say, coworkers. People you have to see all the time, but whom you haven't seen drunk. Yeah. Good times.

Bodily injury only factors in as an exacerbating condition. And then you get extra points as follows.

- Add 5 bonus humiliation points for bodily injury which rends clothing.

- Add 10 bonus humiliation points for bodily injury which requires local medical attention (e.g., from a school nurse).

- Add 20 bonus points for bodily injury which requires transport to a medical facility.

- Add 100 bonus points for bodily injury which requires transport to a medical facility and where you have to explain to a medical professional that you fell under "X" humiliating circumstances, while not intoxicated.

- Add 300 bonus points if your medical professional cheers and says he won the pool.

Until you get a severe public fall with 300 bonus points, don't mess with me. No, seriously. Sometimes the ER has a pool for dumbest injury. It can evidently be quite profitable.

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