So I'm recovering from not-so-minor surgery, which seems as good a time as any to pick this up again, because a) I'm on vicodin and therefore chock full of wisdom, and b) I've been sitting for four days with my feet up higher than my heart and my back at a 90 degree angle to whatever surface I'm sitting on. For FOUR DAYS. I'm no longer capable of seeing that as a good thing. I'm that kind of bored that causes Bad Willow to kill people.
So here's some of the wisdom I'm chock full of:
1. Drugs really are good. I mean, in all honesty, I've stopped taking them now, because after four days I just don't think I need vicodin anymore. But there's no need to be a hero. Drugs make surgery better.
2. If you need to take a taxi to the ER, don't call the taxi company and say "I need a cab to take me to the ER." That doesn't work. It causes cab companies to say things like, "We don't have any Taxis in Palo Alto." "But you're actually called Palo Alto Cab, right? Where are your taxis if not in Palo Alto?" (The answer to that was a click and a dial tone.) You need to get the cab to come to you, then you need to get IN. Then you need to tell them the address. Unfortunately, the cabbie will probably know right away that you're going to the ER. I had to tell him that I was just going to pick up my car and pay cash in advance before he would drive me there. I don't want to know what horror stories have led to this behavior.
3. Laparoscopy involves pumping you full of gas until you look a lot like a hot air balloon version of yourself. If you have any notice whatsoever of your surgery, invest some of the time in finding a Homer Simpson muumuu to wear in the days following your surgery. Because there are some places you can't go in your XXXL pajamas. I realize food and laundry and cleaning are all important priorities, but trust me on this, the surgery muumuu is a good idea.
4. When you come home as the hot-air-balloon you, there will be pain associated with the gas roaming around in your body. At some point the pain will stop. You might think it's safe to lie down. It's not. Wait longer. Trust me.
5. Much like the drugs, other humans make surgery better. So if, like me, you are a crazy hermit who roams the earth free from any of those pesky entanglements that make being human so damn troublesome, you might want to get a human.
6. No matter how damn butch and tough you are, one human in your life should make a fuss over you. If possible an English person. They really excel at making the exact right amount of fuss without being all embarrassing about it. And of course you're far too tough to need this kind of mollycoddling, but if it makes them feel better then oh, all right.
ANYway, surgery is over, and I'm recovering well. I'm pretty much okay, just a little too easily tired and unable to wear any normal clothes (maybe tomorrow). Work has been tremendously accommodating, including the very nice bloke who did all my work last week so that there wasn't a hellish pile of garbage waiting for me when I logged in today. And it's providing a good opportunity to read some books.
Any Martin fans watching Game of Thrones? What do we think? I'm fairly impressed, but I wasn't all holiest-of-holies about the source material, so I'm interested in whether others are disappointed.