Sunday, September 10, 2006

An Ideal Boyfriend

Dating is rough.

No, really. I know this isn't news, but every once in a while, something reminds us of the essential truths of life.

Just ask my acquaintance whose boyfriend got rip-roaring drunk this weekend, picked a fight, and came home and peed all over the sofa.

I have to say, I would never have considered this when gazing out the window, compiling a mental list of traits my ideal boyfriend should or shouldn't have. My list is pretty general. I'm lookin' for someone reasonably solvent, reasonably responsible, and entirely non-violent. There are some other essential traits--intelligence, a sense of humor, a sexy voice. And yes, okay, I'm partial to someone who makes me crazy hot. But it would never have occurred to me to sigh dreamily and add, "And you know what else would be great? If he never peed on furniture."

Now, we know. You leave that off the list at your peril.

Just goes to show that when you're gathering requirements, it never pays to overlook the bleedin' obvious.

And by the way, the dating scene in Phoenix is SO bad. How bad is it, I hear you ask. The dating scene in Phoenix is SO bad that peeing all over someone's sofa isn't even a dumpable offense.

Do you hear me, world? The dating scene here is so bad that, officially, someone who pees all over your sofa is still considered a catch.

What's that I hear? I'll tell you what it isn't. It isn't the sound of someone urinating on my sofa. Sometimes there are compensations for being single.

No comments: