Not content with terrorizing citizens via reality television, the creator of Big Brother has just bought Hammer Horror. This is the ultimate horror history acquisition--worlds better than having, say, Steve McQueen's jacket from "The Blob" (although that would be really cool). And unlike slacker Charles Saatchi (who did apparently license a boatload of DVD's, and let no one suggest that I'm not appropriately grateful), the new owners intend to put the movies on the big screen. Which makes me almost as happy as if they gave me Steve McQueen's jacket.
I would happily buy an economy-sized bucket of popcorn and plop myself down for a double feature of the Hammer Horror version of "The Mummy" and the 1999 version (which I think is swell, partly because it knows where it comes from). Modern films could learn a lot from these old school British thrillers. I recently had the honor of seeing "Black Christmas" and although I'm generally prejudiced in favor of any film protested by the Catholic church ("Dogma" is a case in point), honestly, what was the point? Dissolute teens die horribly (I'm shocked, shocked I tell you) and the villain (it would be a spoiler, but honestly, you can't spoil something that starts out rotten) has quite the penchant for eating eyeballs--and that may be the least disgusting thing I can say about the film. (If you do have the poor judgment to rent it, tell me if you can spot the shout-out to Richard Roeper, who really hated this skating movie.)
It made me long for the good old days, when a killer didn't need a whole raft of childhood traumas or a gross eyeball-eating gimmick to be scary. Give me good old Michael from Halloween any day. What's Michael's issue? Who the hell cares? The franchise's designated explainer (a psychologist, no less) assures us that he's just plain evil. Good enough for me. He's strong, he's silent, and he doesn't stop. That gives me chills. The eyeball-eating creature in the attic has me working out the production's budget for marshmallow eyes in my head and checking my watch.
So bring on the Hammer Horror classics. My popcorn and I are waiting.
Friday, May 11, 2007
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2 comments:
what's the shout-out to roeper in 'black christmas'? can you tell me so i don't have to waste time watching the movie? thanks!
Michelle Trachtenberg dies when she takes a skate to the head.
Actually, looking back, it could be a comment on her feelings about the skating movie, too. She seems anxious to get out of her wholesome goody-two-shoes box.
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