The scale and me

Shifter here.

Ok, well first off let me be clear - this is not Katy posting this. This is me. And since I don't go by my first name I'll use my dorky computer name which is Shifter. Now why is it important, you ask, that I clarify who is writing this? What a good question, savvy reader who probably is only a figment of my imagination! I'll tell you! Or that is, I would tell you if you existed. But just in case I'll tell, uhm, the imaginary reader and go from there!

The reason why it is important that you know it's not Katy writing this is that I'm going to discuss my weight. It is Very Important that you don't confuse my weight with Katy's weight. I have bigger bones. Also taller ones. If you imposed my weight on Katy it would look, well, global? Anyway.

So I checked in with my scale today. Twice. I had just finished a 9.5 mile Hell Run and thought I'd reward myself by seeing how many pounds I had burned off in the course of the Hell Run. One assumes that running through lakes of fire while being flayed by legions of the damned burns a few calories. Or, alternatively, that running in the dark at 4 in the morning in the pouring rain while trying not to run into holes in the sidewalk burns calories. In any case, I had to check. Step on scale. Number flash on the digital readout, as the scale ponders the intangibles of the situation. "197.5" said the scale. Oh. Same as yesterday. No Hell Run Effect. Step off the scale. Pause. Step on the scale. Scale is much quicker this time. "197.5" it says. It says it almost too fast, as if to say "I know you, buster, you were just here and you haven't lost any weight in the last 50 seconds, now get back out to the track!" Hmmm. 197.5 it is. Hell Run Effect strangely missing.

So why did I step on it twice, you ask? Well, because the scale isn't always this savvy. Sometimes you step on it once and it gives you a weight, then you step on it again and it's like "Oh it's you, well for you let's just chop off a few extra pounds." I appreciate that when it happens. But it's also capricious. Sometimes you get in after a really Long Run - the kind that your calorie counter insists has consumed an entire limb off your body - you weren't burning calories, you weren't burning fat, you were burning entire body parts! And you step on the scale and it's like "Eh, 200. Whaddaya gonna do about it?"

So what's wrong with this picture? Well first, it's a digital scale - it's supposed to be accurate. More accurate than analog scales. But I've never seen an analog scale sit there and ponder what it's going to tell me, as if it's trying to figure out how far it can twist the truth. "Would you believe, 199?" It seems that digital is a little too smart. Now it's screwing with you! But the other thing that's wrong with it is this. I'm not fat, and I'm not even overweight (I think - depends on the scale's mood that day). I am indeed big boned and tall. And I'm a guy. And here I am, tall big boned running guy, and I'm still arguing with the scale. Still. And so I figure, if I'm arguing with the scale, who isn't? I mean the Really Skinny people, the ones who get paid to be skinny and gorgeous, or who look like they ought to be, you just KNOW they argue with the scale. Or try to appease it (with small sacrifices, perhaps?), or whatever. And the people who are a little overweight, well they probably either argue with it or avoid it like the plague. Which makes a lot of sense, really. No sense engaging in an argument you can't win! So just about all of us argue with the scale! How screwed up is that? We can't agree on a religion, a government, a foreign policy, or a war but we can all agree we should bow to the scale. There is just something disturbing in that. I'd write more about it but I want to go and see if the scale has changed it's mind.