Monday, September 21, 2009

The most easiest triathlon .... in the world!

Well, I've just about decided to do a triathlon. Now before the IR's all start saying "ooohhh, a triathlon!" let me explain a bit about it. This is not just any triathlon. No, no, no. This is special. This is the most easiest, the most simplest, the most basicist triathlon in the world.

Brief tangent. Do you guys remember that movie Time Bandits? You know, the dwarves steal the Map to time and space from The Creator and end up hijacking the protagonist, a young English lad, who accompanies them on a series of hijinks throughout history? Well there's this scene in Time Bandits when one of the dwarves is being possessed by Evil to lure the other dwarves into using the Map to seek The Most Fabulous Object in the World because by doing so they will free Evil. The dwarf says, in the most convincing way imaginable, that they should seek The Most Fabulous Object in the World and the way he said it was creepy/cool. And that, dear IR's, is the tone of voice to be imagined when you hear me speak of the Most Simplest Triathlon in the World.

Why a triathlon, you ask? I know, I know, you don't ask but let's just pretend that you do. Two reasons. One, my sister just did one (not the most Simplest Triathlon in the World, I might add) and I'm way impressed and want to follow yet again in her footsteps. Second, I've done this one before and while it is Simple, it got me in really good shape. Probably the best shape I've been in until I did my last marathon, and certainly better overall shape (including upper body, abs, etc.). So not a bad result.

What is simple about it, you ask? (see above, I know you didn't ask, but you should have!). It's indoors. In the Frozen North, in February, where this event occurs, an outdoor swimming/biking/running event would have a 100% fatality rate. So they do it inside. But when they do it inside they make it simple. First you swim, in an Olympic size pool, for 30 minutes. Indoors. Big difference between lap swimming and swimming in a lake or ocean. Then you get on a stationary bike, a stationary bike, and pedal for 30 minutes. Set it at any resistance level you want, go any speed you want, just pedal. Then you get on a, you guessed it, a treadmill, and run 30 minutes. Again, any speed you want, etc. So you're only really pushing it for 90 minutes. And it's totally whatever pace you want. So if you're only up to a tiny bit of effort on each, you only go a bit of a distance, and it's all cool. They just add up the total distances to see who wins. Which means the best cyclist wins essentially. Think about it. The difference between a great swimmer and a bad swimmer in a 30 minute swim can't be more than, what, a mile? And between a bad runner and a great runner over 30 minutes couldn't be more than 2-3 miles max. But the difference between a great cyclist and a bad cyclist in 30 minutes? 5+ miles I would think, at least. So your cycling totally outweighs everything else. Which just goes to show how not serious this is. And how not competitive I will be. Ninety minutes of effort is less, all told, than a half marathon which is typically closer to 2 hours of high intensity work.

But what's cool is it will force me to cross-train, which I really need to do, and it's always fun to say you were in a triathlon, even if it is a wimpy one. I'm hoping to maybe step up to a real live outdoor one some day. I'll have to buy a bike but I imagine I can do that one of these days. The thing isn't til February, so I'll start training after the marathon in 3 weeks. I'll keep you posted (you're welcome).

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