Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Preposterous Hypothesis

I think part of the reason people lose weight on a diet like the DASH diet is that it takes twenty minutes of extra effort to convey the food to your mouth.  Take, for example, the lowly garbanzo bean.  Killer source of manganese and a nice, complete protein, assuming you can get the sucker in your mouth.  The round little things seem cunningly engineered to be on the run from fork-shaped predators.  I love the way a cornered garbanzo will sometimes shed its outer skin when speared, like a lizard sacrificing its tail, and then trundle around my fork to fight another day.  I always end up with a little Survivor-style colony of them at the bottom of my salad.  The walnuts, dried blueberries, and dried cranberries are not much better.  I honestly think you're expending more time and taking longer to eat your food when you're eating all this bunny food.
This is my first day back on the full-fledged diet, trying to fill in all my little boxes.  I had forgotten how absolutely full I feel all the time.  It makes a nice change from my usual routine over the past few months (run on caffeine until lunch, skip lunch about half the time or have an anemic salad or sandwich, hungry by 4, but not eating until 7 or 8 or even 9, and then finally feeding ravenous, delirious and weak hunger with something completely inappropriate and passing out on the sofa until 3 a.m.).  The funny thing is that if I did this to you, dear imaginary reader, I would see it as abuse.  Oh, sure, not newsworthy a-nation-hangs-its-head-in-shame abuse or anything, but abuse, nonetheless.  But when it's me, somehow it seems completely justified by not having enough time.  Sad, isn't it?

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